I am not sure what is meant by ‘letting the anxiety and the attacks happen’. They are so much a part of my life I don’t know how to separate them from myself.

Answer

When we are feeling happy, we don’t continually monitor our feeling of happiness or think of how happy we are, we just let the feeling of happiness be there as we get on with whatever we are doing. The same applies to the feelings of anxiety and the attacks. We can separate ourselves from them simply by noting them, ‘this is anxiety, this is an attack’. We just let them be there, without concentrating on them. Not concentrating on them allows us to concentrate on other aspects of our lives. The same is true for temporary feelings of depression. We need to be aware of why we are depressed and we let ourselves be depressed, but we don’t become the depression. If we don’t add to it by continually worrying about how depressed we are, it will disappear because we are not fuelling it. Of course, it does depend on the degree of your depression. If the depression stays with you it will need to be treated by your therapist.

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All we know at this stage is that we are walking into unknown territory and it can seem easier to stop where we are, despite our unresolved difficulties. What we don’t know is that the unknown territory is that of the self. As the ‘disordered’ self breaks down it can mean the birth of our real self.

*103/94/8*

People have asked the question of what to do with their thoughts while working through issues in psychotherapy. There will be issues in therapy which need to be thought through and worked with, and they may cause anxiety and attacks. Again, it means walking a fine line. Be aware of why they have occurred and let them happen.

As our management skills increase we will begin to realise a subtle pattern emerging with our anxiety and attacks. When we are avoiding confronting particular personal issues, or in other words, not being honest with ourselves, we may find ourselves reacting with anxiety or an attack. We can use these subtle guides to get to know and understand ourselves on a deeper level.

*96/94/8*

The working-through process means we are getting in touch with ourselves, perhaps for the first time. We become aware of how we think and react on a day-to-day basis, which usually gives us insights into ourselves which we have not had before.

Sometimes these insights can be quite threatening, as they could signal the need for changes in our life.

The drop in motivation may mean we are avoiding these insights. Everyone wants to recover, but many of us want recovery to mean we will return to our former self. The working-through process means we are getting in touch with ourselves, with feelings, needs and desires we may never have known existed. These will need to be integrated and their integration will mean not a return to the old, but the birth of the new.

Have a look and see if fear of change has caused the drop in motivation. Become aware of how those fears are holding you back.

*95/94/8*

Our loyalty has to be to ourselves. This can be very difficult for many of us because we feel we are being selfish in putting our own needs first. How can working towards our recovery be selfish? In the working-through process, especially at the beginning, we need all of our energies for ourselves.

The lack of understanding by those close to us can create extra stress. All of us are extremely sensitive and vulnerable to other people’s suggestions or ideas, even if it means doing the opposite to what we feel is right for us. Part of the recovery process means accepting that we don’t have to go along with what other people expect from us. We don’t have to do, or accept, anything we know is going to be detrimental to ourselves and/or our recovery. Like everyone else, we have the right to do what is right for us.

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*19/57/2*

What events precede bedtime? (Examples: give bath, put on pajamas, quiet play, put baby into bed, sing lullaby, turn down lights, say goodnight, leave the room.)

Describe the sleep environment. (Examples: lights low, child in own bed, stuffed bear, blanket in bed.)

Who takes the active parts? (Examples: Dad does quiet play, Mom puts child in bed.)

Describe your middle of the night response:

What happens when the child wakes up? (Examples: he cries, he comes to our room.)

What is the child needing from you? What do you do in response? (Examples: feed him, give her the pacifier, scold her, etc.)

Who takes the active parts? (Examples: Dad calls back to her, Mom nurses, etc.)

Assess your child’s sleep associations:

From your answers above, summarize the set of circumstances that your child seems to need and expect to get to sleep -the things that signal to her that all is okay and it’s time to go to sleep.

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